I have had issues with my skin for as long as I can remember. The first memory I have of it was when I was in Year 6, and my teacher asked me and my group of friends ‘who here is getting older?’ All our hands shot up. Then he asked ‘who here has got stuff on their face that shows they’re getting older?’ I don’t remember feeling embarrassed about this at all, and once again my hand went up. He said ‘that’s right Charlotte – you’ve got spots!’

Looking back…. tactless! But at the time it didn’t bother me – I hadn’t internalised my acne to be something that made me ugly.

As time went on, my spots got worse and I was teased about it by other kids at school. I was never much of a make-up wearer (and I’m still not), but I would cake my face in foundation every morning, and take one of those concealer sticks to school so I could touch up my face in the bathroom. I was so self-conscious of my skin that I wouldn’t be able to look people in the eye. I would dread sleepovers because I’d have to take off my make-up before bed. I also had terrible spots on my chest, neck and back, so when summer came I wouldn’t wear strappy tops when hanging out with my friends because I was so embarrassed.

When I was about 14 or 15, I decided to try antibiotics for my skin. As far as I can remember, they really didn’t make much of a difference. I became really really strict with my diet – making sure I ate no sugar, drank no alcohol, ate 5 portions of fruit and veg a day, and drank 2 litres of water a day. This became quite obsessive and was something I let control my life for a long time.

When I was 15, I went on the contraceptive pill – oh man, what a treat! I don’t remember much of a difference in my skin, but I gained a lot of weight and became very depressed, so I stopped taking them.

Since then, I’ve been on all kinds of antibiotics and topical creams. My chest and back was relatively spot-free most of the time, but I would have terrible itchy, pus-filled spots on my jawline and my neck that just wouldn’t go away.

In 2016 (when I was 24), I decided to go on Roaccutane. For those who don’t know, Roaccutane is a very strong antibiotic that completely dries out your skin. It can also have devastating effects if you become pregnant while you’re taking it, so I had to go on birth control and take monthly blood tests and pregnancy tests.

The side effects I had when I was on Roaccutane included:

• Awful dry, cracked lips
• Muscle soreness
• Fatigue
• Depression

I had to come off Roaccutane early because of the strong side-effects. Nonetheless…. the antibiotics worked! The summer of 2016 was the best my skin has been since I was 10 years old, and I finally felt confident to leave the house without make-up, to look people in the eye, and I firmly believe that my new-found confidence was what was attractive to my boyfriend (who I met in 2016).

Fast-forward 2 years, and in 2018 my skin was bad again. I would get cysts that wouldn’t come to a head on my cheeks, and the itchy acne on my jawline and neck was back with a vengeance. I felt so upset about this – I thought that after the Roaccutane, my skin was cured!

A couple of months ago, I went to a dermatologist to see what else could be done. She recommended that I cut out dairy completely, and next week I’m due to start a treatment called KLERESCA – a special gel applied to the face, and then put under an LED light. Since November, I’ve done my best to cut out dairy, although I saw no results even after 6 weeks of this. I went on holiday to South Africa in January, during which time I was more relaxed about my diet (skin was terrible over the holiday just FYI!), and then when I got back I decided to cut out alcohol for a month. The combination of no dairy and no alcohol has now made the world of difference – I still have acne, but no more painful spots that won’t go away. Result!

The other change I’ve made is to take my Mirena coil out – the Mirena coil contains progestin, which I’ve heard can make your skin worse. It’s only been a week, so we’ll see how this goes as well.

To anyone who has acne and is struggling with this, I have some advice for you:

• Know that it’s not your fault. Most of the people I know who have acne are actually the most careful and diligent with their skin, and most of the time our acne is down to genetics, not anything that we’re doing wrong. Know that it’s not something you can completely control.
• I know the feeling of not being able to look people in the eye when you have bad skin. But I also know that other people don’t notice the state of your skin anywhere near as much as you do. Ultimately, we all think about ourselves more than we do anyone else, and so take heart that the thoughts you have in your head are way more judgemental than anything that anyone else is thinking.
• Confidence is the most attractive thing in the world. I know many people who have acne, who have a happy disposition and tons of confidence, and this is what makes someone beautiful – their heart and soul, not their skin. I truly believe that my shyness and inability to look people in the eye was the thing that made me feel lonely and isolated more than people judging me about my skin. Smiling and looking people in the eye, although really difficult, is a starting point to gaining more confidence and realising that your skin doesn’t have to rule your life.

My journey with my skin isn’t over, but I hope that by sharing this, other people can feel like they’re not alone. My hope is that, one day, we can experience a ‘skin-positivity’ movement – where people can post selfies online make-up free and talk freely about their skin issues without feeling embarrassed or self conscious. So let me be the one to set a good example:

Do you have issues with your self-esteem because of your skin? How do you deal with it?

What treatments have you used? What worked for you?

C x