CONTENT WARNING: Discussions of rape in this blog post
I just finished reading ‘Asking For It’ by Louise O’Neill. The book is a young adult fiction book about a teenage girl who suffers a horrific gang-rape (the evidence of which is then posted on social media for all to see), and the consequences of this trauma on her, her family and the small town in Ireland where she lives.
I finished this book a week ago and I still can’t stop thinking about it, so I thought I would write a book review to start a conversation about consent, victim-blaming and the influence of social media. DISCLAIMER: I mostly refer to rape below in terms of female victims, as that is what is portrayed in the book.
This book is split in to two main parts: the first focusing on the life of Emma (the protagonist) before the rape, and the latter chapters detailing her life one year after. What I thought was really interesting about this book was that Emma was not, in general, a likeable character. O’Neill details how Emma is mean to her friends, steals from them and craves attention from boys and other girls at school. Her life is a constant striving to be the best at the expense of everyone else. When I’ve read other novels about rape, the protagonist is painted as an angelic creature who was in the wrong place at the wrong time, or who fit the generic ‘criteria’ of rape by saying ‘no’ and being aggressively forced in to sex. This novel paints a much more nuanced, and I would argue realistic, portrayal of the absence of consent. Emma, the main character, had been drinking heavily and taking drugs at the party, and had previously had sex (albeit not completely consensual) with one of her attackers. Not only that, but previously upon finding out that one of her friends was raped, Emma encourages her not to ‘make a fuss’ and not to use the word ‘rape’. Perhaps because she wasn’t seen as a particularly nice person to begin with, many of her friends told her that it must have been her fault, or that she was lying.
For me, this created lots of uncomfortable feelings when reading the book. On the one hand, I believe that it’s never consensual sex when one person is unconscious and cannot remember anything. However, it made me realise how easy it can be to place blame on the victims of rape for drinking too much, or the choices they made on that evening. And if that person has other negative qualities about them, it’s all too comfortable to say ‘they deserved it’ or ‘they were asking for it’.
I’ve definitely had my fair share of nights out where I’ve drunk too much and passed out. Thankfully, none of them have resulted in rape. If they had, I wouldn’t have deserved it, no matter how many mistakes I’ve made. Rape doesn’t only happen to the ‘good girls’ – and there isn’t anyone who deserves to be raped. I think this book does an excellent job of questioning our assumptions when it comes to this topic.
The other aspect of the novel that really affected me was the fact that Emma’s rape was publicly displaying and debated on social media – pictures of her in vulnerable positions, unconscious and being taken advantage of, were posted and subsequently commented on with abusive and hurtful comments. Even a year later, Emma is still haunted by these images, knowing that her family as well as the whole town has seen them, and she still replays all the hurtful things that were said about her. O’Neill does a brilliant job of weaving this in to the narrative, showing the constant slew of negative thoughts that are uncontrollable and take over Emma’s mind:
‘You OK?’ he asks me, but I can’t look at him. (He has seen the photos. He has seen me, pink flesh, slut, whore, bitch.)’
I’ve grown up mostly under the influence of social media, and I have seen how the protection of a computer can encourage people to say the most harmful things. I think social media really brings out these unconscious biases and prejudices that we would ordinarily never say out loud to the forefront – it’s as if typing in to a computer eradicates the censorship and thoughtfulness we have when speaking face to face. Not only that, but the vulnerability and exposure that Emma feels, knowing that the worst thing that’s ever happened to her, and something she can’t remember, was displayed across Facebook without her knowledge – it’s something that’s really stuck with me after finishing the book. I think that in this digital age, rape survivors are more afraid to speak out. The ease in which other people, even strangers, can find them online and target them with hate mail, is a scary prospect.
Ultimately, this book really made me think about different definitions of rape rather than the standard ‘she said no and he ignored it’. It made me realise that empowering and encouraging people to be confident about their own sexual rights, and to never feel like rape is something that you ‘ask for’ if you drink too much or wear certain clothing, is so important.
So if you are reading this and you are someone who feels like it is your fault if you are taken advantage of, know that there are good and kind people in the world who will believe you, stand up for you, and will help you realise that you are never ‘asking for it’.
If you have been affected by anything you’ve read in this blog post, there are a number of helplines and resources you can use:
http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/Sexualhealth/Pages/Sexualassault.aspx
That Wellbeing Bug 